Advice About Improving Connection with Your Teen
Building a healthy relationship with your teen doesn't have to be an uphill battle. By practicing active listening, managing your emotions, providing feedback, disciplining out of love, and creating a safe place to have serious conversations, you can have a strong connection with your teen.
Allow Holy Spirit to fill your heart and home, then watch as he restores peace to areas of conflict.
5 Tips to Help You Get Started Building Connection
Importance of Listening
Take time to listen. Your teenager is going through a lot of changes and may have numerous thoughts and feelings that they are struggling to understand. Instead of immediately jumping into advice-giving mode or dismissing their concerns, take the time to truly listen to what they have to say. Show empathy and let them know that their feelings are valid and that you're there to support them. This will not only give them the confidence to express themselves more openly but also foster a nurturing environment for them to grow.
Controlling Your Emotions
It's also crucial to manage your emotions. Being a parent often comes with the challenge of dealing with your own emotions while trying to guide your teenager. When you're irritated or angry, it can create a distance between you and your teen. It might lead to a breakdown of communication and cause unnecessary strain in your relationship. Remember, your teenager is learning how to manage their emotions by watching you. For this reason, model the behavior you want to see in them. If you get angry, take the time to calm down before you react. This will teach them the importance of self-regulation and emotional management.
Avoid getting up in their face of using physical aggression to back them down or get them to listen. Yelling, swearing, or ranting are not productive communication either. While no one is perfect, it is important to understand the damage caused by extreme emotion. If you get out of control, apologize to your child. Then work to do better.
Constructive Feedback
Correcting your teenager is also an inherent part of parenting. However, it's crucial to do so without being condescending or degrading. Teenagers are still learning and growing, and they will make mistakes. Instead of responding with anger or frustration, provide constructive feedback. Let them know what they did wrong and how they can improve. This will not only help them learn but also reinforce the concept of growth and improvement.
Discipline from Love
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting, but it should be done out of love instead of punishment. When your teenager makes a mistake or behaves badly, it's important to set boundaries and enforce consequences. However, the goal should always be to help them learn and grow from their mistakes and not to punish them. Explain the reasons behind the discipline and how it will help them in the long run. This will ensure that discipline is seen as a tool for growth rather than a punishment.
Having Serious Conversations
Sometimes, you need to have serious or private conversations with your teenager. This can be about anything from school performance to behavior issues. One effective way to do this is to go for a drive. Going for a drive can provide a neutral space for the conversation, and the lack of direct eye contact can make it easier for your teenager to open up. Remember to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding.
Talking through situations helps teens learn to process before making decisions. The idea is not to tell them what to think. Rather, listen to their thoughts and help them make a healthy decision that works for them.
In conclusion, once you have begun to build a deeper connection, it's important to ask God for wisdom and understanding to protect it. Bad moments are inevitable. Modeling grace and love will help your teen learn to forgive and move on from conflict. Don't be afraid to give them a hug and remind them that you love them no matter what.
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Meet: Kelly Kirstein
Founder/ Director of Chicks Ministry
Kelly has three children ages 16-21. She has ministered to young women ages 13-21, since 2010. God has helped her understand how to build powerful connection with teens. Now she wants to share what she's learned.
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